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Are you tired of reading self-help articles that don’t seem to rouse you from your stupor? Are you finally bored from watching endless random videos of other people? (No? Still?!) Well, take a break anyway and read something that will actually help you (be a better bank customer)! Now, I know that you are probably thinking gee, who even walks into a bank anymore — what a way to sound irrelevant, but hear me out — what if I told you there are some tips and tricks of the trade to make your banking customer service (in person or by phone) go a heck of a lot smoother? All it takes is some consideration! Let’s go!
#1 You don’t know your account number. Not now and not ever. And you don’t care. After a certain point, you should know your social security number. Well, the same goes for your account number. Just learn it, please? PLEASE? Save us all some time? After all, time is money. Ka-ching! Hint: the routing number is always 9 digits — the other one is your account number.
#2 You don’t know the last check you wrote. Or have a clue as to what you are really spending. Also usually don’t seem to care until you get charged for it. Who did this to you to make you this way? If you are old enough to have a bank account, then you should also be old enough to figure out how to manage it responsibly. You may not have grown up with someone to teach you how to do this, but the internet is rife with advice and strategies that you really don’t have any excuse anymore not to learn.
#3 You cut in line. Ok, this one pisses everyone off, not just staff. 24/7 customer service phone lines for the win!
#4 Yes, tellers have to take their lunches. Get over it. Maybe plan a call or visit in the morning instead?
#5 You want a loan for $20,000. But have zero credit, short job history, and are shocked when you get turned down. Yeah, the real world sucks we know.
#6 …Or you do have a lot of money and are a valued customer of the bank. But now, you think the world revolves around you and only what you need. Never mind the line of everyone else waiting in the lobby. You’d be surprised how many people are like this. I don’t know what happened to them but they can’t seem to understand other people matter too. If you see them, maybe ask them if they are ok? Do they need a hug?
#7 You have a business account and are conducting suspiciously suspicious “sketch-sketch” activity in your account BUT refuse to comply with requests from the bank for an explanation (AKA The Inevitable). They’ve seen it all. They know what you’re doing. Stop thinking you are smarter than the professionals. If you are getting away with it, for now, it’s probably because they are letting you rack up evidence to take you down when you least expect it.
#8 We love kids. BUT if you bring your hungry, sleepy, cranky, or otherwise would-rather-be-anywhere-else-but-here kids with you to the bank and expect to stay for a while, please be prepared with basics like pacifiers, bottles, snacks, toys, etc. We get it, we really do but it’s just the right thing to do, mmk? The staff may be nice enough to give the poor kid a sticker, lollipop, or something but they may not after all. If you call your bank and have screaming kids in the background, please be nice enough to call us back.
#9 Yell at the staff. Look, you can’t blame the staff for whatever is going on in your account. Yes, bad things happen sometimes but you know, being an ass is not going to solve your problem. Behave. It’s almost like you want us to talk about you behind your back (or in front of you).
#10 Forget to say thank you. A little appreciation goes a long way. Being a teller or banker can be physically and mentally exhausting (even though we’re in the air conditioning). We get cussed at, go unappreciated, are often way underpaid, and increasingly forced to part-time positions with sh*t benefits (gone are the days of the reliable full-time positions), and still expected to know more than we actually know and be happy about it. It can be hard to remember why we like helping customers take care of their money unless we see the difference we make. Thanks for reading! Now you can get back to your latest Netflix binge or efforts to go viral.
